How to Build a Wall

Tomorrow starts the infamous "OutSeason" training plan. Fourteen weeks of intense bike and run workouts guaranteed to make you want to cry faster.  Yes, I was planning on delaying this due to my shin pain, but as of now, I'm still hoping to start.  This means that tomorrow evening, Baby Beluga will get put on the trainer and I will do my first bike test of the season.

I am terrified. First, it is going to be hard, as a test requires you to push as hard as you can. This means it is uncomfortable. I have trained my body to fight fatigue and just keep going, but the uncomfortableness of an Ironman is totally different than that of 20 minutes all out. And honestly, I'd take the Ironman. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable is one of the themes of my outseason.  Second, I know the numbers are going to be bad. I have done barely anything since IMWI, and then this weekend I got a stomach bug and have been puking my guts out and barely eating. Not a good combo going into a test, but you have to start somewhere.  I am planning on probably bumping up my numbers a bit in the first few weeks as my legs come back (at least I'm hoping they will).

I will start this plan of pain with exactly 11 months to go until IM Chattanooga. And all I am thinking about is IM Chattanooga. I use to think this is a good thing- a long term goal to drive me.  Unfortunately, if you are focused on one goal for 11 months, you burn out.  Right now, my focus needs to be 100% on what I am doing that day to get my workout done as well as possible, and how that will contribute to a successful season.  In that line of thinking, a great quote was posted today-

“You don’t try to build a wall. You don’t set out and say ‘I’m gonna build the biggest, baddest, greatest wall that has ever been built’. You say ‘I’m going to lay this brick as perfectly as a brick can be laid’. You do this every single day, and soon you have a wall.”
- Will Smith

I can't go into my bike test tomorrow saying "I'm going to go to Kona." I have to go into the test prepared to do the best test possible, with what I have to give tomorrow. I will strive to treat each workout like that, each subsequent test, and each race. And eventually, (hopefully) I will get there.

Argh, shins!

When I started running, I thought shin and calf pain was just part of the game. It hurt bad. Every single run, from start to finish.  My calves were tight, and would burn when running.  I'd stop several times on my 20-30 min runs to stretch them out.  I'm sure the shin pain was linked, and I'm also sure I should not have just run through them.  But then there was the glorious day where I ran and it didn't hurt. I was amazed at how wonderful running could be without pain.  I finally realized that, in fact, pain was not just a normal part of running (though how often we run through it!).

Since then, I have had shin pain off and on.  It plagued me, along with patellofemoral syndrome, through my first half marathon.  It came back with my first marathon. Then it has mostly been at bay.  Occasionally my shins "talk" to me, but never a lengthy thing. I chalked my recovery up to have a good base, which I still believe to be true.

As mentioned a zillion times already, it was hard to come back from losing my base this past year, and shin splints were one of the injuries along the way.  I never really purposefully rested with them, just toned it back a bit (though the lack of motivation might be more at play than my thoughtful recovery plan) and started using compression sleeves.  By the time of IMWI, they were a non-issue.

In Milwaukee, I went for a run, and had some right (always the bad one) shin pain. Then yesterday I went for a run again, this time with my calf sleeves, and the pain started right away. I thought I'd run a bit, as it sometimes subsides with a good warmup.  A mile in, and no change.  ARGH!! Today it is sore just walking. 

A few issues are to blame.
1) Still don't have a good base. Consistency has been poor in running, and it matters so much. That is why it is so frustrating that to recover, you really must take some time off, since this causes that base to further deteriorate.
2) Tight calves. My calves are ridiculously tight. I have a rocker stretcher and man, do I feel it. Gastroc, soleus, posterior tib, all of them. I need to get on a good stretching regimen ASAP. For those unaware, these muscles actually insert on that bone that hurts with shin splints. They give it a nice tug when tight, and can really cause that pain.
3) Weight. Wait, wait, don't tell me- being heavier is bad for your body! I was reviewing some old notes today and found that a 1 lb increase in body weight is 4 lbs more of force on your knees. Ouch. I am about 20 lbs heavier than I was at my last marathon two years ago. And yes, I'm working on that, but in the meantime, that is a whole lot more pounding on my legs.  At the grocery store I bought a 3 lb bag of onions. Then I thought that I've gained almost 7 of those. I felt like writing an apology letter to my legs.  On the flip side, a 3 lb bag is significant, as well as an achievable weight loss goal. I hope that I will feel better as I take incremental bits off. 
4) Running shoes. Early in the summer I had a total panic attack in Fleet Feet when I found out the Asics Foundations, which I've worn for years, have been discontinued. I'm now in Asics Kayanos with SuperFeet inserts (copper) and know that they don't control my love for pronation as well as the Foundations do. I am still confident I can run successfully in them, as I resolved my shin pain wearing them over the summer. It is just one more contributing factor at the time being.
5) Fancy Shoes. At the conference last week, I was wearing my "fancy" shoes. The quotes are because to anyone else, they wouldn't be fancy. They are flats because I fall in anything remotely resembling a heel. But they lack an arch support and have no cushioning. They aren't my running shoes which I wear pretty much all the time.  While there are arguments to more minimal support, I am firmly in the camp of, at least for me, I need support or we're in trouble.
5) Other weak areas.  Overall, I have pretty good running form.  I don't really think about it, but I've been told on several occasions that it is good. Yes, as a PT I should be more aware of my form, but however perfect it may be, I am aware of my weaknesses.  My core is pathetic. My hips are weaker than your grandma's. My single limb balance is atrocious. I am a hamstring dominant runner to the point where my glutes might as well not exist. How much these issues contribute, I'm not sure.  But they can definitely cause malalignment, especially since I'm a pronator, and increase forces my poor legs are taking up.

So there you have it, I can diagnose my problem, I'm just not a compliant patient.  I obviously need to be stretching my calves like crazy and doing core work.  I also need the day to have a few extra hours in it.

My plan for now is to really let these shins calm down. I will then rebuild my base. Slowly. Consistency is key, but it can be in the flavor of 20 minute runs and build from there.  My original training plan had me start the Endurance Nation Outseason plan this coming Monday. After asking the coach about my situation with shins that might not behave well with high intensity running, things are going to shift. I will now do a bike focus plan as I build up my running, and start the Outseason in January. Ah, what they say about plans...

The First Seven Days

I am seven days in to my Whole 30 attempt. I'll be upfront and say I'm not doing it completely by the book.  I am not sweating stuff like "what oil was that cooked in?" or traces of cheese.  Partially because I am traveling a lot this month and know that much of that is out of my control, and partially because I do not have an issue with those sort of details in my relationship with food.

So how has it been going...  for the most part- good! I am not tracking calories, though in my brain I find myself occasionally doing mental calorie math.  I am keeping a journal of what I eat, which makes me feel more in control. The week started with very little cravings. I was shocked at how easy it was, but in a way I was just excited to have a plan. Same as when you start a new training plan and follow every single thing exactly.  I had a bad run early in the week which was depressing, and was a little discouraged that I wasn't immediately feeling skinny. As the week went on, despite my weaknesses (see below...), I did realize that I had not ups and downs throughout the day. I am curious to see if this will help my self-diagnosed ADD.

I believe this was a lifesaver at the conference. While I was initially worried about traveling with "rules", the rules really helped.  There were continental (free) breakfasts with loads of baked goods that I could see myself binging on.  There was hot chocolate, sugary trail mix bars, froofy coffee drinks, etc.  Traveling previously turned into a reason to binge, and I kept that all in check. I ate the inside of sandwiches/wraps and left pasta salad on my plate at a luncheon, surrounded by people who probably were curious as to my eating but didn't ask and I didn't feel the need to explain. I went to Qdoba one day and got three chicken tacos with salsa and guacamole, and then ditched the shells. I carried bags of mixed nuts if I needed them, and had more tea than I probably ever have.

There were a few times I was tempted to give up and try a sweet.  I heard my head saying "you can try again later" but I know how that works out.  It will always be hard and there will be no perfect time.  I keep telling myself that that sweet adds nothing to my health and will lead to more sweets. Also, it really just isn't that good. I know how it will taste, it will make me feel good momentarily, but lead to hunting down every sweet and hating myself.  I think eventually I'll limit sweets to special occasions when they really are good and the environment makes me stay in control. 

Tea has become a treat.  I would look forward to it in the evening at the beginning of the week, and at breaks during the conference.  It was like a little luxury to be sipping it.  Nice and warm. Comforting. Something to do instead of mindlessly snacking. Yay for replacing unhealthy habits with tea!

My weaknesses are nuts and fruit.  I took the big bags of cashews and mixed nuts from Trader Joe's and individually bagged them by 1/4 cup servings to keep myself from overeating them too much, but have still helped myself to a serving when I really wasn't hungry.  Almond butter is out of control. Small spoonful, then big spoonful, then many big spoonfulls.  The stuff is crack.  In 3 days my rather large container was half gone.  As for fruit, at the conference I was at I ate my body weight in fruit salad.  I would have a big helping at breakfast, then more at the free breakfast once at the conference, and then some more at the first break.  It was largely melon, which I believe is a preferred fruit on Whole30, but still, way too much fruit, and worse, it was eating when I was already full, which is a habit I'd love to break. I do recognize, however, that if not for this, I would have eaten way worse than fruit.  I also see that late nights are my weakness as well.  I am tired and stressed, and it is getting further from dinner. Just another reason to work on sleep!

I had a minor slip up, apart from my exceptions on oil and cheese and that.  There was a "make your own trail mix" bar during a break. I went to check it out thinking there might be some nuts.  What I found was banana chips. I have great memories from college of picking up a bag of banana chips the night before an exam and plowing through the bag with a little help of my study buddies.  I tried to think if they had added sugar or not.  I know regardless, they were probably not the best thing for me, but I ignored that voice in my head and got a big serving. Once I tasted them it was pretty obvious there had to be some sugar there, but I just kept eating them.  I was proud of myself for not turning it into "I broke it, might as well give up and eat everything in sight." However, I do think it made me crave sugar a bit more after that.  Good reason to be stricter/smarter.

Another habit I have to break is wanting dessert after I eat a meal.  I had a salad one night (complete with olive oil and red wine vinegar instead of dressing- point for me!) and was satisfied afterwards. But I had this nagging that the meal wasn't complete unless I had dessert. In the end, I ate a larabar, which, while followed the rules, doesn't help in breaking the cycle of needing dessert after a meal. I will try tea from now on.

I am realizing I have a fear of being hungry. Or maybe it is just how I justify more food. I have to eat now, because heaven forbid, I get hungry later.  It is so rare that I actually experience being hungry.  Though, I'm not sure what is better- preemptively eating to prevent hunger, or skipping that snack and being hungry and possibly overeating because of it.  Mindful eating is definitely a goal for me, and slowing down my eating would help feel satisfied. 

All in all, a good first week!

Taking a stab at Whole30

I have decided to do a Whole30 challenge. Time for a reset!  In terms of eating, I have more bad habits than good at this point, despite knowing so much about nutrition and loving to cook.  I know I need a change, as I am impairing my health and my performance.  I just have yet to be successful at making the change.  In all my failures, I have seen that I need rules.  Whole30 = lots of rules. It promises to change my life, and while that is probably a bit extreme, I like the sound of that.

I have tried similar things before. In the past year I have done two bouts of the 21 Day Sugar Detox, and lost it by two weeks in.  This is a little more flexible, as fruits are allowed.

Whole30 is ideally how I would like to eat long term.  I realize that in the heat of Ironman training (and I picture myself being lean and mean at that point), I might need some carby things like rice to fill in the gaps, but that is a ways off.  I also know that as my training picks up, I don't want to not fuel my workouts. Gu's were created for a reason, and despite how fun it was to eat a mashed up (green) banana out of a ziplock bag last year during long runs with the 21 Day Sugar Detox, I will eventually go to the gu and Perform and whatever else. But to truly reset myself, I do plan on not using any gu's during the Whole30. 

The timing honestly couldn't be worse.  I am going to a conference this week out of state. My 30 days will also include a wedding and another conference.  But I've decided to go for it anyways.  1) I can't keep going down this road for even another day.  2) Training-wise, the timing is perfect. None of my workouts are too tough where it will be a real struggle to not have tons of carbs. 3) With my big exam coming up, I really want to have stern rules to prevent stress eating. 4) Real life happens. If I always make an excuse for some upcoming event, I won't get anywhere. Instead, if I use this to learn that I can survive, then I really won't have any excuses. 

Another caveat of Whole30 is no weighing.  I weighed myself yesterday morning, and will try my best to stay off the scale.  Honestly, if this doesn't happen, I'm not too concerned, but keep it at a once a week at most deal.

Yesterday was day 1 and now I am half-way through day 2.  I even went in both Whole Foods and Trader Joe's yesterday and didn't get a single free sample.  This morning at work there were cookies and candies galore from patients, and I found it wasn't even hard to resist them. Yay for rules!  I am probably overeating, and definitely overdid it on the nuts and nut butter, but baby steps! 

Happy Marathon Weekend!

It is a big sports weekend.  For those of us who define sports as swimming, biking, running, or combinations of all three.  First up, Saturday is KONA! Superbowl of triathlon. But more local and attainable, is the Chicago Marathon on Sunday. I ran in 2009, 2010, and 2011, and this will be my first year spectating, which I am very excited about.  In 2011, I was a CARA pace leader for summer marathon training, and wrote the following for my pacees in anticipation of the big day.

At the starting line you are surrounded by 45,000 people, mostly strangers, but all sharing the same goal.  You all come from all over the world and have a zillion stories and reasons for running.  While your friends might still not get why you gave up your social life for 26.2 miles of hell, these folks get it.  They were right there with you waking up at the crack of dawn all summer to put in those miles. 

The first few miles you can't believe you are here, running a marathon.  The day is beautiful, the energy is insane.  You are feeling good.  Nothing will stop you. 

Miles 5 and 6 you are running by the zoo.  Run like an animal!  We've run near hear every weekend, but now it's different. 

You are in your groove.  Step after step, bringing you closer and closer to 26.2. 

Miles 7 and 8  soak in the party around you.  This is way more fun than any training run.  This isn't a marathon, it is a 26.2 mile party!

Mile 10 is approaching and you are confident.  How many people can know that 10 miles is just the beginning?  Remember how we celebrated our first double digit run- now its no big deal!  Think of how far you've come in these past 18 weeks... 

Mile 13.1- halfway there.  Run from aid station to aid station.  Take in your water and gatorade.  Listen to your body.  Adjust your pace as need be.  No one said this was going to be easy. 

Take in the crowds.  These people are out there for you, amazed by you.  Let them inspire you and you inspire them.  Many of them will take up running after watching you, and change their lives just like you know running has changed yours. 

Miles 15 to 17- you are getting tired.  This is ok, you knew it would be tiring.  You also know you are prepared and will finish this.  Take in some calories, it will help. 

Miles 18 to 20 - start repeating your inner mantra to yourself.  You've done this in training.  You KNOW you can do 20 miles.  You know the crowds and the adrenaline will take care of the rest.  There will be periods you don't feel good, but most likely they will pass.  Just, Keep. Going.

Mile 21: Now you are in uncharted territory.  No, we didn't go this far in training.  This is where you realize you can do anything.  Remember- "Everything you ever wanted to learn about yourself you can learn in 26.2 miles."  Whenever things get tough in life, you can look back and remember this moment, and how you just kept going.

Miles 22: "You can quit if you want, and no one will care. But you will know for the rest of your life." - John Collins (Ironman founder)

Mile 23: Yes, it hurts.  But you knew it would hurt.  YOU ARE STRONGER THAN THE PAIN.  18 weeks have made you stronger than the pain.  Think of those who live every day in pain, and be inspired by their struggles.  Your pain is only temporary. 

Mile 24: Remember all those training runs you didn't want to do.  All those times you made yourself wake up and do it anyways.  And now you just have a couple miles.  Easy!

Mile 25: Think of that first time you ran.  How proud you were of yourself.  And now here you are, 1.2 miles from finishing a marathon.  Be impressed by your achievements. 

Mile 26.2: "When you cross that finish line, no matter how slow, no matter how fast, it will change your life forever."- Dick Beardsley

About that powermeter...

When I joined Endurance Nation, I was hearing about power constantly.  It was like the cool club that I wasn't part of, but would guarantee I would be better if I was on the inside.  I bought into the idea, more so for training than racing initially.  I never knew if I was pushing too hard or not hard enough on the bike. Typically when riding outside, I'd base it off of speed. High numbers = good ride, low numbers = I'm a failure. While Chicago doesn't have hills to challenge this technique, it does have winds.  Riding into a 20+ mph headwind that I swear wasn't that strong as a tailwind makes for a not fun ride, and it is even worse when you feel like a slow slug the whole time despite your legs screaming. So yes, something was off with my speed based training approach.  When I rode inside, mainly with Sufferfest videos, I was never too good at that RPE scale (despite that I have patients use it...). A powermeter it seemed, could solve all these issues.

I started with Virtual Power with TrainerRoad- highly recommend! Then I went for the PowerTap, and trained and raced with it all summer.  I am definitely no power expert, my rides are still extremely variable and I am just scratching the surface on how to use the data. But as my first year with Endurance Nation draws to a close, I feel I can adequately reflect on how I feel about the whole power monster.

I like it. And I hate it. And I am positive I am not the only one saying this.

Power will, without a doubt, make you a stronger, faster, smarter cyclist/triathlete. It will also give you a gazillion ways to measure and prove that you are better than your old self. Power tests are also the devil's work, but more on that in a few weeks when I do my first test in months...  A powermeter has allowed me to get a really good focused workout in.  For Ironman training, my Wednesday morning bike rides were rarely over an hour, but kicked my butt every time.  Back in my old training days, any ride would have to be at least 1.5 hrs of just riding along to feel I had done anything. Better training in less time is a definite win.  It also pushes me. I have numbers to hit, and most of the time I am motivated to do so.  It lets me know when I go out too hard or not hard enough. It also tells me when something else is making the ride hard (wind, false flat, etc), as I can see my power going up and my speed going down. Basically, it gives every ride a purpose.  Not only is this great for short FTP intervals, but makes a 4.5 hr ride go much faster. It isn't just 2.25 hrs up and then turn around, it is split up by hitting set intervals along the way, and before you know it, time is ticking by (until your butt hurts. and your back hurts. and you have no idea why you ever though this would be a good idea. yeah, time does eventually stand still on those rides regardless of intervals).

I'm not even going to get into what it does for racing, because that is a whole long deal, but in summary, it lets you "flatten" any hills or wind and stick to a target so you can actually run the run. Because no one brags about swim, bike, walk.

When I say I hate it, it isn't because it makes a ride hard and painful and horrible. That is a good horrible. I hate it because sometimes it just takes the fun away.  I have been riding my bike for years- as a kid I was super independent by riding to friend's houses or just around the block over and over again. In Chicago I love riding the lakefront from top to bottom, or heading up north to the burbs.  Unfortunately, when you are focused on your watts and glued to the Garmin, you lose some of the fun. You don't notice the scenery, or just the awesomeness of riding around.  When you are having a leisurely ride in gorgeous fall weather, as I was doing today, you glance down at the numbers and then feel inferior. Your power sucks. Why are you riding if you aren't trying? Well, because this is all fun and games, and if it isn't fun, quit. And I don't want to quit.  So I must remind myself that the power meter is a tool to make me better, but I need to be mindful of when it drains the fun.

I think it is important to occasionally bike naked. Not the type of naked that leads to embarrassing chafing, but without the technology. Data is fun, and trust me, I'm a data whore, but just spinning along can be pretty sweet too.

I want to feel like a runner again!

There are a few misconceptions people have about you when you do an Ironman.  1) You must be in the best shape of your life.  2) A marathon will seem so easy now!  False and false.
First, I might have the best endurance of my life, and great willpower to just not stop.  But best shape? Not right now.  That might be different if I had trained better, but I would guess that for most of the MOP, we don't need to be in tip-top shape. At no point are we really racing, we are just hoping to keep going and survive, getting to the finish line in a reasonable time.  Obviously, this is different for FOP.

As for the marathon comment, someone just said this to me yesterday and it made me pause.  Yes, the Ironman marathon was ridiculously hard, but a very different hard than a stand alone marathon.  It is more mentally challenging and you are just exhausted.  When I did the Chicago Marathon in 2011 in 3:32, that was hard! I was pushing it the whole time. So much so that I had a prolonged sympathetic response, meaning that my heart rate and blood pressure stayed elevated for a couple days. It was awful since all I wanted was to sleep but my body truly couldn't calm down. I heard in training that the Ironman marathon isn't a marathon, it is 26 one mile repeats to the next aid station, and that is very true. It is an entirely different beast, and makes me no less afraid or prepared for my next stand alone marathon, whenever that might be.

So, to cut to the chase, while I did an Ironman one month ago (exactly), I do not feel like a runner. These days a nine minute mile is the norm, not the sluggish pace.  I have to psych myself up for a 4 mile run, and it isn't easy. My weekly mileage is teensy.  I don't look like a runner in the mirror.  And I know my marathon PR is way out of reach at this time.

I think part of this is due to a return to triathlons.  I spent 2011 focused solely on running.  In my marathon build I hit a few 50 mile weeks, and was consistently in the upper 30s to 40something miles.  A five mile run was no big deal. 10 mile runs were really no big deal. My pace was comfortably below 8:30, and when I paced the CARA 9:00 group for marathon training, it requiring a lot of looking at my Garmin to make myself slow down.  I was always sneaking in a run- before work, at lunch, after work.  It was just part of life, and I felt off when I didn't run.  I had a great base, so nothing ever hurt. Ahh, the glory days. 

Yesterday I ran home from work. 7.6 miles, and I really did enjoy it.  I use to run to or from work frequently, and I always found it to be such an enjoyable way to commute, a little confidence boost to start or end the day.  While I enjoyed it yesterday, it wasn't easy, and I longed for when that was just part of the routine.  Today I went for a 4 mile run at lunch. It hurt. My hips were tight, stomach unhappy, right foot pain (and of course my mind jumps to stress fracture) now that the plantar fasciitis on the left has stopped).  Running just seems hard.  The main difference between then, when I felt like a runner, and now, when I feel like an imposter, is ease.  I rarely struggled on my runs then. I felt like a rockstar when I could bang out five miles at just over an 8 minute pace and think it was easy.  I was also able to push it, make it feel hard, but that resulted in awesome times.  Now when I push it, I still feel slow. 

Right now I am working on building up my running again.  Focusing on frequency, getting my body accustomed.  Getting my brain in the habit.  Getting my brain and my body to not listen to each other.  I'm not sure I will be able to get back to my running prime when focused on triathlon, but I'm hoping to at least move in that direction. 

It seemed so promising...

The week that wasn't.  A week ago I felt that I was back. I felt mostly recovered from IMWI. I felt I had the motivation, and I had my whole season mapped out. I was ready to make my return to more formal training. 

Well, that didn't happen.  Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday went great. I was running, I biked with my powermeter again, I even swam, and for bonus points, went to a yoga class at the gym.  My eating was right on track, nice and clean, no cravings, felt healthy.  The scale was being nice to me.  The whole big dreams for the 2014 season seemed to be giving me a good push in the right direction. 

This was very similar to how much of my training this past season went. I'd seem on a roll, like I was back in my old groove, and then it would fall apart again.  Three to four days seems to be the limit.  I have been looking at the cycle and this is my hypothesis.

Day 1: Feeling good. Rested. Yay for healthy food. Love this sport!
Day 2: Look at me, two days in a row. I'm making sure to get the workouts in, but life stress might be starting to climb up just below my conscious level.
Day 3: Uh oh, lots to do with work, cleaning, studying, etc.  Stay up late. Don't want to miss tomorrows workout, so still wake up early.
Day 4: Ah, wonderful, 5 hrs of sleep. I can do this. Possible struggle through a morning workout, possibly just use the early morning time to do other things, since I tell myself I will feel more like working out later.  But then I am tired and stressed. I eat crap. And when I say crap, I mean ice cream for breakfast, finished off by handfuls of chocolate chips. Then I'm on the sugar roller coaster and binge all day, with barely any real food. Of course I feel too nasty to workout, so I skip and feel guilty. But the sugar keeps me up too late, so the cycle continues tomorrow. 

Yes, bad eating, as said before is derailing my workouts.  But I think the root cause is lack of sleep, and the root cause of that (yes I am not using "root" correctly) is stress and chaos in everyday life. 

So once again, this is a new week.  I'm not going to make goals about hitting every workout or being perfect with my eating (though both would be lovely. Kinda like when you say on your first marathon you don't have a time goal, but man, are you chasing down 4 hrs). Instead, my one goal is to get 8 hrs of sleep a night. This will be an n=1 experiment. My hypothesis (aren't I a good scientist) is that I won't have the food cravings. I will feel more in control. I will want to workout. I will be a better me.