Friday, September 20, 2013

An All or Nothing Girl

While I'm not sure I would consider myself Type A like many triathletes, I do share the common "can't do anything in moderation [except swim]" mentality. This is in many areas of my life- I won't do a little bit of cleaning, rather wait til the weekend when I can do a deep cleaning (or frequently just put it off again, hello dust bunnies!). I prefer to work in large chunks of time, then just little bits.  If I have time for only a 20 minute run and had planned an hour, I'm likely to skip. Obviously these are downsides. Unfortunately, the biggest thing that has happened is very bad eating habits.

I've alluded to these before, but I would say I'm not in a good place at all with eating. I love to cook and eat healthy foods, but I am an emotional eater, probably with some addictive behaviors in terms of sweets.  And I apply my all or nothing mentality here.  If I was planning on "starting over tomorrow"- the always classic "diet starts tomorrow approach" but then I had one thing, say a miniscule piece of chocolate, I would consider it ruined and binge out. This is ok if it happens every now and then, but it happens more often than not these days, and I'm not liking how it makes me feel, and what I am doing to my body.

Many people preach moderation. Heck, all of Weight Watchers is that- you can have a cookie, just keep it as one. That might work for some, but not for me, and I would guess not for many triathletes. One cookie? That is just sad. Give me the whole box, or I don't want any.

I read somewhere that people are either "Abstainers" or "Moderators". I fall into the abstainer category, however, just have a lack of willpower when it comes to actually doing the abstaining. But what it means is that I am better off making strict rules and NEVER having "a cookie", as that single cookie will be sure to multiply.  The scary thing about being an abstainer is it sounds so scary and absolute. I will have no chocolate. No candy. No sweets. None of the cookies I love to bake. No ice cream. No binges. Aren't I just torturing myself?

My hope is this abstaining isn't permanent. It is temporary as I retrain my mind and body.  I would say I behave like an addict. The thought of passing on that chocolate seems impossible. But it is so easy when I think about it logically. I KNOW it tastes good. I know it makes me temporarily happy. I don't have to eat it. I have eaten things before, they are good, they didn't change my life.

I said in my last post that I have big dreams. I can't be weighed down, figuratively and literally but bad eating. It is really taking a toll on how I feel about myself. No more excuses.

In true "all or nothing" terms- I start tomorrow. Nothing into me that isn't good for me. If I question if it is good for me, it isn't. I did a freakin' Ironman, I can do this.

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